so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
