I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Randomize
