Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
