when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
