you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
