Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Randomize
