Pappa wants mamma naked
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
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