That's intense
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I'm bleeding and have questions
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
