i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
