shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
