Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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