i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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