this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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