he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
