I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Its about making memories worth repressing
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
