nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
