I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
