i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Randomize
