she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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