there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
