Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
