I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
