you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
