I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
