I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
