chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
