so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
and you fell through a lawn chair
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
