There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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