don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
