8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
