I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
