When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
