If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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