I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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