You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
