Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Randomize
