Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
