I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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