morning after pill = breakfast in bed
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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