She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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