i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
