I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
