I just made out with a guy for $7.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
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