I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
