Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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