I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
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