he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
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