I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
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