I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
