a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
