My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
