I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
