so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Barsexuality is the new black.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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