I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Randomize
